I lie in wait as my mind wanders. Light and darkness without meaning, fear and joy have begun evading my being. Stripped naked of all emotion, I swim in swathes of desire. As the engulfing warmth of faceless brown eyes surround me. A look so gentle, so sweet and yet so inquiring and inquisitive.
Breathless yet unaware, I sink deeper. Lit by moonlight, gently piercing through my desire, lies the ocean floor. Riddled with simplicity, it beckons a surrender. I question the voices in my head, voices of my peers, voices of my loved ones, as they point to the path. Someone inside me says I am not ready. Many have come and wallowed in the pool I lie, many have failed, but I am not ready yet. There is someone inside me, with a muffled voice he reminds me of who I am, of what I am.
Marred by hatred and violence is the world within these waters. Lost in circles of meaningless existence are its inhabitants. But I am, therefore I belong there, amidst the noise and activity, anonymous yet well-defined. Within society's realm, a man with a purpose. Yet my purpose seems different, elusive. I am not ready yet.
In search of the greatest love thus, I set out. Towards the darkness I swim, where the waters are black, uncertain, unpredictable, yet enticing. Suddenly, a gentle, warm, soothing sensation appears across my lips, and I lose sight of the darkness. A new found light attracts me, the promise of the end of search, could it be? Facing the light, I struggle to determine the features of a face, of its identity, but nothing exists, just a name. A rush of memories and passionate nights of joy and laughter formulate into wondorous experiences. The experiences transform into memories and then the light begins to fade. In a state of panic I reach further for the light, swimming vigorously as an unfamiliar cold sets in, the fire inside me threatened with extinction. Now the faceless light has disappeared and all that is left is the smooth ocean floor in the deepest depths of the black waters. Tired, lost and lonely I approach the voices of my past once again. Searching for solace and comfort I speak with them. Once again they beckon me towards a path that has been laid out, covered in rosy promises and gleeming with optimistic assurances.
Breathless yet unaware, I sink deeper. Lit by moonlight, gently piercing through my desire, lies the ocean floor. Riddled with simplicity, it beckons a surrender. I question the voices in my head, voices of my peers, voices of my loved ones, as they point to the path. Someone inside me says I am not ready. Many have come and wallowed in the pool I lie, many have failed, but I am not ready yet. There is someone inside me, with a muffled voice he reminds me of who I am, of what I am.
Marred by hatred and violence is the world within these waters. Lost in circles of meaningless existence are its inhabitants. But I am, therefore I belong there, amidst the noise and activity, anonymous yet well-defined. Within society's realm, a man with a purpose. Yet my purpose seems different, elusive. I am not ready yet.
In search of the greatest love thus, I set out. Towards the darkness I swim, where the waters are black, uncertain, unpredictable, yet enticing. Suddenly, a gentle, warm, soothing sensation appears across my lips, and I lose sight of the darkness. A new found light attracts me, the promise of the end of search, could it be? Facing the light, I struggle to determine the features of a face, of its identity, but nothing exists, just a name. A rush of memories and passionate nights of joy and laughter formulate into wondorous experiences. The experiences transform into memories and then the light begins to fade. In a state of panic I reach further for the light, swimming vigorously as an unfamiliar cold sets in, the fire inside me threatened with extinction. Now the faceless light has disappeared and all that is left is the smooth ocean floor in the deepest depths of the black waters. Tired, lost and lonely I approach the voices of my past once again. Searching for solace and comfort I speak with them. Once again they beckon me towards a path that has been laid out, covered in rosy promises and gleeming with optimistic assurances.
posted by Anuj bhandari at 12/12/2008 09:19:00 PM
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